The year’s flown by, and Thanksgiving is fast approaching. While it’s usually a happy time of year, when you’re struggling to conceive, it can be hard to navigate. You might be anticipating family gatherings full of inappropriate or sensitive questions about growing your family, a social media feed full of cute pictures of friends and family’s children, or that heavy feeling knowing that another year has gone by without having the child you hoped for. It can be hard, and your emotions might feel heightened. We’ve put together a few tips on how to navigate the holiday season whilst you’re trying to conceive. 

Find your person 

Maybe it’s your partner, your sister, or a friend — no matter who it is, it’s smart to have a go-to person for venting, crying and side-eyeing. It’s helpful to have someone you can air your worries to before any social events, get your feelings off your chest, and be the person to help you get through those dinner table conversations. Maybe they can even help divert the conversation if it’s getting too much. Struggling to conceive can feel lonely and isolating, and having someone you can talk to about it will help lighten the load. 

One thought to consider: While we definitely encourage open communication between you and your partner, they might be feeling the same things you are. Seeking comfort from someone a little more removed, like a friend or sibling, might help. 

Set boundaries

You might be faced with uncomfortable questions, but you don’t owe anyone an answer. Set boundaries with yourself and your partner beforehand, and decide what you are and aren’t comfortable sharing. Prepare yourself with potential responses to expected questions like “when are you having children?” A few thought starters:

“I’m not really comfortable talking about this right now. Let’s enjoy the holidays!”

“Oof, that’s a pretty personal question! Can we talk about something else?”

“I’ll be sure to let you know when it happens. How’s [something relevant to their life]?”

“When [your local not-so-great sports team] wins [a big event]. Next question!”
“Hopefully one day!”

Give yourself permission to say no

The holidays can be full of social events. Most of us feel like we’ve depleted our social batteries by the end of the season, and that’s when we’re going to events we actually want to go to. And while it’s always nice to see our loved ones, sometimes the event might just be too hard, especially if it’s kid-focused. 

It’s okay to say no to plans. It’s okay to leave early. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, and you don’t owe your time. Thank them for the invite, and politely decline. (And if you’ve already said yes, but now you’re changing your mind, nobody wants a guest with a “stomach bug”...)

Mute your social media

Social media is an escape for a lot of people, but when you’re struggling to conceive, it can really be triggering. Your feed might be full of family photos, pregnancy announcements, and photos that make you ask “why not me?” They have every right to share those photos, and you have every right not to consume them if they make you feel bad. 

Unfollowing friends or family might feel like a nuclear move, so instead, mute accounts as needed. Muted accounts don’t know you’ve muted them, and when you’re ready, you can always unmute them without them ever knowing! 

Make time for yourself

This is the most important tip on the list! In a season of giving to others, make sure to make time for yourself and what you need. Whatever it is that fills you with joy and makes your insides warm, go ahead and do it. A few ideas:

-Take time to go for a long walk

-Watch a feel-good movie with a cup of hot chocolate

-Take a long soak in the tub

-Read a new book

-Bake cookies

There’s no one right way to get through the holiday season. However you choose to navigate it, there’s a community of people here cheering you on. You’ve got this.

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