Hearing that a friend is pregnant is usually seen as nothing but joyful news. But if you’ve been trying to conceive, have experienced infertility, or are coping with pregnancy loss, that announcement can land very differently. You might feel a swirl of emotions — happiness for them, sadness for yourself, and maybe even a pang of jealousy you weren’t expecting. And then comes the guilt for feeling that way at all.

This blog is for anyone who’s asked themselves, “Am I a terrible person for feeling jealous of my pregnant friend?” The short answer: absolutely not. Here’s why those feelings are normal, what they really mean, and how to handle them with kindness toward yourself.

Why good news can feel so hard

When you’ve been navigating infertility or loss, you’re already carrying so much emotional weight. Fertility struggles are an invisible burden — they follow you into conversations, family gatherings, even your happiest moments.

So when someone close to you shares their pregnancy news, it can stir up grief you didn’t expect. Maybe you get that text, see the scan, or hear the words, “We’re having a baby!” and your chest tightens.

You want to be nothing but happy for them. But there’s another voice whispering:

• “Why not me?”
  
  
• “Why does it feel so easy for everyone else?”
  
  
• “Why does this hurt so much?”
  

The truth? Because it’s hard. Because you’ve been doing everything you can to make something happen that just… hasn’t happened yet. And because no one prepares you for how isolating and complicated these moments can feel.

It’s not about them — it’s about what you’re missing

Feeling jealous of a pregnant friend doesn’t mean you resent their joy. It means you’re mourning your own unmet longing.

You’re not angry at them — you’re sad for you. But those two emotions can collide in messy ways. Maybe you go quiet in the group chat. Maybe you cry in the car after brunch. Maybe you say congratulations with a smile, then close the bathroom door and let the tears fall.

You’re allowed to feel all of it. You’re allowed to step back. You’re allowed to say no to the baby shower invite, to mute bump updates on Instagram, to protect your heart in whatever way you need.

Protecting your mental health doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you human.

How to cope when you’re jealous of a pregnant friend

1. Stop trying to talk yourself out of it

There’s nothing wrong with your feelings. You don’t have to rush to “be okay” or to be the “bigger person.” Let yourself feel gutted for a while.

2. Love them, but take space if you need it

Needing distance doesn’t make you a bad friend. It means the situation is raw for you right now. The people who care about you will understand.

3. Talk to someone who gets it

Fertility struggles can feel lonely, but you don’t have to carry them in silence. Speak to a therapist, a trusted friend, a support group, or even an online community who knows what this feels like.

4. Don’t force a celebration you can’t give

If you’re not in the headspace to celebrate, it’s okay to be honest. A simple, “I’m so happy for you, but I’m finding things hard right now,” is enough. You’re allowed to draw boundaries while still showing love.

The bottom line

You’re not a bad friend. You’re not cold, bitter, or cruel. You’re someone who’s been holding it together for far too long, navigating a deeply personal challenge with strength and courage.

One day, you may be able to celebrate pregnancy news without that sting. Until then, give yourself the grace you’d give anyone else in your shoes.

You’re doing your best — and your best is more than enough.

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