Nicole Robinson  0:00  

You're overweight. You need to you need to be x weight. We didn't know what was going on. My mind exploded.

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Amber Izzo  0:11  

Hello, you are listening to Misconception, a Gaia family podcast. My name is Amber Izzo and I am your host. Each week we release a new episode talking about the various paths to parenthood, from community stories to conversations with experts. We've got you covered. Gaia's mission is to make IVF more accessible for more people with a financial plan that allows you to start and protect your IVF and access to a community who just get it. We're here for you. You can request a free personalized quote at gaiafamily.com

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This week, we are talking to Nicole Robinson, who you may know as Good Luck Nic. Nic went through IVF to conceive her first son, Jax during the pandemic. Nic documented her journey to lose weight for IVF after being told her BMI was too high to qualify for IVF treatment, she then faced the clinic closures during lockdown, postponing her cycle, where she actively got involved in the campaigning for clinics to reopen her treatment. Then led to the birth of her son, and when she began trying to conceive for her sibling, she had her fertility checked again, which led to a surprising discovery. Nic has since gone on to have another son and has, alongside her husband, Mark, began training to become a qualified personal trainer and nutritionist specializing in fertility. We're really excited to speak to her today, so let's bring her in. Hello, Nic, thank you very much for joining us. How are you? 

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Nicole Robinson  1:36  

Hi, I am good. Thank you. How are you 

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Amber Izzo  1:38  

Good. Yeah, not bad. I'm excited to have you with us. So thank you very much for joining us. I thought we would start this morning, well, afternoon, whatever time people are listening with a bit of an introduction. I've given you a little bit of an introduction, but I think it would be great for everybody to hear kind of your story, from your perspective, what your story is from you. 

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Nicole Robinson  1:57  

Hi everyone. I am. Nic as Amber probably has already said, that I'm Good Luck Nic online, you'll probably find me on all socials. We went through IVF to get our first son.

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We started in, we got married in 2017 and then we kind of started trying as of then I'd come off the pill, as I'm sure a lot of people listening to this will relate, to come off the pill, and you kind of expect your cycles to go back to normal. Mine did not.

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They were long, and they would I would bleed for a long time, and I just felt like I don't know what's going on with my body. I was never picking up ovulation on like various things. I did temperature tracking, and I did like the wee sticks as well. I never picked up ovulation and wasn't getting pregnant. So after coming up to 12 months, we went and sought help from our GP, and she sent us. Luckily, we saw a really nice GP, because I know that some people don't always get the first like, the help they need straight away, or they have to fight a little bit harder for it. But on that day, we just so happened to see a lady that was willing to help us and willing to send us for the testing.

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So we started with, like, blood and I think she sent for a semen analysis as well back then. So on, my bloods came back that I had a suspected PCOS so she dug further into that. I had a scan and everything else, and there was cysts on my ovaries, and my hormones were out of whack. So it was a PCOS diagnosis, which I didn't know beforehand. So that was all new to me. On top of the whole infertility thing and not getting pregnant. And at the time, I assumed, is that why I'm not getting pregnant? Maybe that's why I'm not ovulating, because of the polycystic ovaries. And we kind of carried on down that road. So we got referred to the hospital. The GPs can't,

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they can't really prescribe the things that you need, if it is only like ovulation help or

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various things like that, the GPs aren't qualified to do that. Are they, you find you need a lot more

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specific help. So we went to the hospital, and there was another handful of hoops to jump through, tests they wanted to complete. And I was like, Well, I clearly just need the ovulation drugs, because not PCOS, the semen analysis all came back fine on Mark's behalf. And then it turns it turned out that the last hoop I needed to do was the HSG to test my fallopian tubes.

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That was traumatic in itself.

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Had to try having that done three times because of my irregular cycles, there was always old blood there, and they could never do it because of the risk of infection and things like that. So the one time I

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went and I thought I was like clear of blood and everything else. This is kind of 18 months after us starting the

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process of being tested as well. It was such a long period of time and a lot of back and forth and everything else. So in 2019

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this was, I had my tubes checked, and they were completely blocked.

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I was not expecting that at all. And that was the HSG that diagnosed. That was it. Yes, it was the HSG they attempted three times to try and flush them through. And you can, when you have a HSG, you can, there's like a screen to the side, and you can they kind of explain what's happening, and you see it in real time, rather than, kind of some tests and X rays and stuff that you have at hospitals where you will see you in six weeks. We can't tell you anything right now, but they literally told me and showed me on the screen there and then, and it was just heartbreaking, because you just feel like everything you thought was normal and natural. You know, the things that were supposed to be easy as a woman there just, it just wasn't going to happen that way for me. And they were like, yeah, it's going to be, it's going to have

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to be IVF, and I had to lose weight to be eligible for that IVF treatment. The BMI on the NHS is under 30 for IVF and obviously all the other hoops that we had to jump through. But thankfully neither, neither of us were smokers, and we didn't have any children anyway, so those are other things that can go against you when you're having NHS treatment. We were only eligible for one round in our area.

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Again, you have to wait for the funding to be approved for all of that and and everything else. So I think we finally got our funding approved in the September, and then our this is pre covid. Also, just to be aware, because I know that waiting times and stuff have changed since absolutely, I think they might have come down a little bit since directly post covid, but I think that's probably still longer than they initially were for us at the time. But yeah, we, we got started with our round in the November, the end of November, because of the way my cycles fell, and you have to wait for the right time and everything else. I was on short protocol for

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PCOS because they wanted to do like a lower dose, because of the fact that I've got PCOS, I could potentially grow more follicles, which could lead to risks and complications

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and things like OHSS, so they just were mindful of that. So it should have been a short 7 to 9 day thing. I ended up stimming for like, 22 days, wow. Yeah, it was Wow. Long time it was everything was long. Yeah, it was really long. 22 days,

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that's really surprised me. Yeah, I talked about this, how so many times before, maybe I didn't go. So I never knew that 22 days, yeah, and it was in every other day for scans. And they were, they were adjusting the drugs like as I was going along as well. So it was, it was a lot. And then obviously I had egg collection, so by the end, I was just so uncomfortable and full. And they told me, kind of you also expect to do a fresh transfer, yeah? And they told me, like, on day, I don't know, 18 or something, yeah, you aren't going to have a fresh transfer. So that was another let down. It was like, no, I've got to get this egg collection, and I've got to have like, two cycles before they'll let me go in again, you know. And it was just more time. It was like, I just, this should have been easy, you know. Same as everybody sitting listening to this that are going through IVF, a feeling right now. You just, you just question everything as to, why me? Why does it take so long? Why did I get to have the X, Y and Z? You know, I then actually question everything, and sometimes it can make you bitter and everything else.

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So had the egg collection. I managed to get 18 eggs.

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I can't remember how many fertilized, but I believe we got to 10 that fertilized. But then this was where it got weird. So mine all got frozen on day one.

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And I've never heard of any other clinic doing this, and I've never heard of anyone else having gone through this. So if you haven't yet started treatment, perhaps ask, yeah, if you're gonna have frozen treatment, what? What happens? Because they froze them all on day one, when they've just fertilized, and I don't know why that was, I never got an explanation. Because I don't think at the time, I knew that it wasn't. It was weird. Yeah.

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Yeah, you know, a lot of people like, Wait till day three or day five so you can kind of see where you're at. I suppose, yeah, they start developing in that time, don't they? Yeah, you kind of, you know, you know what you're left with, really, yeah.

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So ours

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were all frozen on day one, and then I had to kind of wait. So we needed this break. And obviously, the way, my cycles were quite long, and they needed to wait for. Like, I think it was two, two cycles I had to wait for. But that then took us to march 2020,

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if that rings any bells for anyone, that's when covid struck. I had started the drugs for my frozen embryo transfer.

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I was literally, like, ready to go in and have my lining scan. And I think I'd had the lining scan because I'd already started the estrogen and everything else. And yeah, we were literally two days out, and they called me and said, It's canceled. Stop taking the drugs. It's over. We don't know what's going on with the world. We don't know when you're gonna be able to take down. You'll hear from us, but we don't know when. And that was such a huge blow, especially on top of it being a blow on top of being so close to having it done and then being pumped full of drugs. On top of that was it was just, it was just such a lot. And obviously the world was uncertain at the time as well. We just

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didn't know. We just did not know. And then, yeah, there was a handful of us that started to fight for like treatment, to come back, and that it was important and and everything else. So I was in touch with the big bosses at our clinic

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just trying to talk to them about what was going on.

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And obviously they were trying to just make it safe for everybody, and I understand that, and they were doing their best. And obviously ours was NHS hospital. It was a Birmingham women's hospital I had my treatment at, and

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I was when the when treatment got reinstated, as our clinic was one of the last to be reinstated, but I was the first to go back in, yeah, for treatment. So that was then July 2020, so it'd been quite a, quite a wait, considering we started like in the November. This was then July, and I finally got to have my first transfer. Obviously, they had to get them all out of the freezer, all of my embryos.

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I think we got five that made it to day five. But then when I went in, they told me that there was only one viable, and they wouldn't be able to save any of those because they weren't good enough. Good enough to be refrozen and rethought again. So this was the last, this was the only one. And it was kind of like, well, we're here now. We see what we're dealing with, and yeah,

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handful of days later, we were very, very, very lucky that it had worked. Yeah, absolutely. Jax is now nearly three. 

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Amber Izzo  13:06  

That's gone so fast. 

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Nicole Robinson  13:07  

I know it's crazy. It's absolutely crazy. 

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Amber Izzo  13:10  

Goodness me

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Nicole Robinson  13:11  

No, so that's our kind of like IVF story, I guess. 

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Amber Izzo  13:18  

I think, I mean, if you look at kind of like the diagnosis side of things, obviously, you know, it took so long for you so long. And, I mean, how was that process? I know you said there was so much waiting around, but how was that emotionally? Because I think for most people going into IVF, it, it isn't always, you know, a really quick process, like you say, you most people have to go through the GP and have these testing done, unless you're in a position to kind of do all that privately, which obviously some people do, but most people don't.

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And for you, like you say that that didn't take six months, that didn't even take 12 months, that took an awful lot longer. Yeah, so how was that waiting process? Like, what did that do to you, kind of emotionally, and going through that?

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Nicole Robinson  14:02  

It was, it was really tough because you, you're also, whilst going through this, you're kind of still clinging on to the but it could happen naturally while we're waiting, you know,

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we just it, kind of,

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it was hard. And I'd kind of delved into, like, learning about IVF and I delved into right? Well, this is my thing. Now I'm going to know everything there is to know about this, and I'm going to prepare myself if it is to go that way.

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I do believe in that time mine and my husband, Mark's, our communication leveled up tenfold, like, yeah, we, I think, struggle in any relationship. It can, like, cause you to come apart or come together. And for us, it brought us so close, and we were so open with each other. We were on the same page with everything.

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We discussed everything. Like, back to back.

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And every which way, so that we knew we were both feeling okay, because it's such a huge thing emotionally on both of you that

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you have to be a unit. And I think, yeah, that was the biggest thing for us through all of that, as much as it was frustrating and long and everything else I you know, it brought us really, really closely together, and we'd been together a really long time prior to that, and we felt like we were really close. If you were someone would have asked me before, I would have said, yeah, I'm fine, you know, can't get any better. But evidently that struggle helped and struggle really taught us things about ourselves we didn't know before, and then

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I fell in love with fitness as well, and I had to lose I knew that I would need to lose weight for IVF. My consultant at the time had said, if it goes to IVF, you will need to be under the BMI of 30, which at the time was about two and a half stone off what I was

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and she told me that in

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when did she tell me that?

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In the November,

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she told me that in the November, my HSG didn't come around then until, like,

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I think I saw her again in April,

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and I'd already lost the weight ready so I had, I'd had the HSG, and we were kind of like heading in a direction, but because I knew that could be a possibility, I didn't want to delay that, delay the treatment. I didn't want that to be on me. I didn't want it to come around and them go right, actually, yes, it is IVF. It's not an ovulation drug, but, but you need to go away now and lose away you in six months, right? Yeah, you know how like appointments can be on the NHS. So I, I took that upon myself to go right? If this is this, I don't want to be the reason this is delayed any longer than it already has been. So I kind of also took that time to work on me, and it was hard at the time. You know, it's hard to get into any fitness and health journey if you one don't know what you're doing. At the time, I would just been diagnosed with PCOS, which meant I needed to learn about what that meant for me and my fitness and health journey,

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because it isn't as straightforward with PCOS when it comes to weight loss, and I just needed to relearn everything I'd ever done before. I'd always tried to lose weight. I'd always, like, you know, dabbled in different things and always exercised on and off and but I'd never, I'd never done it, you know, I'd lost a few pound here, a few pound there, put it back on. You know, everybody knows that situation. I'd never needed, I never lost that much weight before.

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And, and I did it, and I did do it and, and I'm really proud of myself, because the the consultant at the time had said,

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I can't believe you've lost the weight. No one does it, pretty much. I sit here and tell people this, day in, day out, they come back to me and they they don't lose the weight that well, they can't lose the weight. And you've done it so well done you. And I think that's really nice coming from a health professional, that you've got to keep on yourself to do that. 

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Amber Izzo  18:19  

I mean, how is that like when you were first told that you I mean, I can only assume that you were told that you needed to lose weight, or was it something that you knew because you were familiar with the policy at the time?

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Nicole Robinson  18:33  

It was quite early on in our journey, and they had told me that this was before, like I started to deep dive into things.

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They had said, if it's going to be IVF, they were like, when we go through these tests, if it ends up that, you know, for whatever reason, you will need IVF it is going to be, you'll have to be this weight

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for your funding. 

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Amber Izzo  18:57  

How was that initially, because I know I was in a similar situation, and told that I needed to lose weight. And so I wonder how, how did you feel in that moment? Like I know that you really took it in your stride, and you like you say, it's transformed your life in some ways, because I know that now you you still now you do CrossFit, you do all these incredible things, that it has completely changed your perception, and you have become someone who really loves that, that side of life, but that initial being told that you were overweight and that you needed to lose weight. How did that feel like? Did that negatively impact you at all, or was it straight away, okay, cool, I can do this. 

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Nicole Robinson  19:33  

Um, at first, I think it was like a bit of shame, because you know, you don't ever want to be told that, even though you know it, I'm like, I know because I have body issues right, like right now at the time, and I know that I hate myself in clothes sometimes, but I don't know. It's hard to hear it from someone else you know,

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because no one ever tells you do they and if you do that, you just kind of dismiss them, like I don't want to

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Talk to you, or don't want to be your friend, or whatever, you know. So yeah, it was, it wasn't nice to hear. But I was like, Well, if that's what it is, if that's what I've got to do to get a baby, to get my baby to get what I rightly deserve, what I really, really want, then that's what I'm gonna have to do. And I kind of just,

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I just took it as, well

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This is what I've got to do. I don't have a choice. Yeah, I want this. I've got to do it kind of thing. And it was the biggest motivation I've ever been given. Like, I wanted to lose weight for my wedding, but I didn't have to lose weight for my wedding. Yeah? So I lost like, half a stone, and it was like, Yeah, fine, whatever. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't anything like this. It wasn't anything like it was it was it was kind of like life or no life, as in, like, my baby's life. That's how it felt to me, like I don't, I don't get this opportunity unless I do this. Yeah. So yeah, I really took it on. 

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Amber Izzo  20:59  

No, I think, yeah, you definitely did. I mean, do you think it was handled sensitively from a medical perspective? 

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Nicole Robinson  21:06  

I think most medical professionals can be quite blunt. Well, I've just had another experience of that after, like, my last baby check, but we'll come on to that later. They it's kind of said in a matter of fact way. It's not like,

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really eggshell Yeah, eggshells. It's kind of just like, This is what it is. You know, you need to lose this much weight to be eligible. This is the rules. Essentially. It's not like, it's not an advisory. It's like, this is the rules. Yeah, I can't put you forward unless you get to this weight. So it was, it's more of a big I think, because it was

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literally like, black and white, I can't put you forward unless it said in more of a well, this is part of the thing, yeah, yeah. Rather than it being like, oh,

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you're a bit overweight. You probably need to lose a bit of weight, and it being just so like,

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just said in such a way that makes you feel so worthless

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you know, because they don't know anything about you, whether you've been trying, whether you've got PCOS, sometimes it can be said in such a matter of fact way, like, like I said at my six week check

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baby check with my last baby, she just was, like,

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you need to lose weight. You're overweight. You need to you need to be x weight. She, like, she gave me a number, and I'm like, that is so detrimental. Like, if I wasn't as such strong minded as I was, and if I was six weeks postpartum, I'm like, you shouldn't be telling women that it's unbelievable so I believe it was handled more sensitively than that

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in IVF. But like I say, I think, because it's a literal guideline,

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that it has to be said, 

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Amber Izzo  23:02  

Yeah, I find it really interesting that you use the word shame, because I think that's something that we hear an awful lot in the IVF community. And there's an awful lot of kind of shame and blame that kind of plagues everything. And people do feel that real self they feel responsible for almost, you know, an awful lot of what goes on when you're going through IVF, you think it's your fault, or if you'd have done this differently, maybe this would have worked, or if you hadn't done this, then maybe these tubes wouldn't have blocked, or whatever. Like you feel, you feel that anyway, I think, and I think, you know, I've got personal experience of that. I know that a lot of people in the community talk about that. So when it comes to the weight as well, I feel like that's an added thing. And that's why I ask whether you feel like it was handled sensitively, because I think when it's not, it can just perpetuate those feelings and almost make that worse. And I know that obviously you and, we will get onto it, but I know that you and Mark have kind of taken this in your stride now, and you're now kind of training to be able to help people with this and the nutritional aspect and the fitness aspect,

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but I think it can quite often when you're told that, I think I know, for me, I'm a comfort eater. So it was very much when somebody tells you that I go the opposite way, because I think, well, how you know? What do I do? Somebody's just told me that I need to lose weight, but I don't know where to start with this, and so I'm going to go home and eat my sorrows like, it's really difficult cycle, isn't it.

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Nicole Robinson  24:23  

Definitely. So there wasn't any like, help. First of all, it was like, go away. This is what, this is what you've got to do. There wasn't like, Okay, here's a program, here's a plan. Let me, you know, let me refer you to someone that can help. There was none of that, if it you know, there's nobody that

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that she said, that we could talk to or look look up, you know, it was just kind of go away and do your own thing, and I'll see you in a few months time. And if you've lost the weight and you need IVF, great. If you haven't, then I can't help you.

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Kind of thing

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Amber Izzo  25:02  

Yeah. Did you find any support? Or did you do it all yourself? Like, did you do the research?

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Nicole Robinson  25:06  

 I did the research. I had a coach

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who I saw once a week who wasn't specialized in it. It was just a PT. But I just found that a bit of accountability nice. But again, he wasn't,

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he wasn't the person I needed at the time. I don't think really, like, specifically when it comes to, like, having an understanding of IVF, having an understanding of PCOS, personally, having an understanding of, like,

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being a little bit older and, you know, a bit of life experience and

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understanding marriage, and understanding wanting to have a baby, or having children, or all these things that I feel like the little business that my husband and I, Mark are setting up now are going to be able to help with he, he just wasn't quite that, but he was great for, like, checking in accountability and, like,

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my getting me my technique for lifting and things like that first. So a specific PT was great, but not necessarily, like a women's health specialist or facility coach or anything like that. But, yeah, that's, that's where we are becoming the people that we needed at the time. Yeah, I don't feel there was at the time. There definitely wasn't anybody you know we, we found each other at the time, didn't we? And there wasn't many other people other than us that were out there talking about it, let alone people that had knowledge of kind of helping with regards to, like, weight loss and getting yourself in the correct or in the best mental state, the best you know,

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nutritionally, in the best just in the best health really, overall, whether you need to lose weight or not. You know, just in the best position.

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Yes, we're we're gonna help people that find themselves where I was, that need to lose weight, who want to be help themselves put themselves in the best position going forward, for fertility treatment. 

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Amber Izzo  27:18  

I love that for you. I love that for you. I think it's so great that you've kind of taken this experience and turned it into something, yeah, positive, like you've not let it... the impression I get from you and like you say, we've known each other a little while now, and I feel like the impression that you give is very much, like you're not letting this define you in a negative way at all, like this isn't who you are, but you have taken all of those experiences and made them into something that is going to work for you and is going to work for other people that have that are walking the path that you walked. And I think that's so, so great. I mean, when it comes to kind of the fitness and the losing weight for IVF, like you mentioned the fact that they don't specialize in women's health, or the person that you saw didn't, does it matter? Like, does it change the way that you train, like, how the way that you eat? Like, how much does that come into it? I find this all really interesting. 

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Nicole Robinson  28:07  

I think, when it comes to I think being an empathetic towards someone's situation is first of all what you need from a coach, whether that be okay, they do want to talk about it, or, oh no, they don't want to talk about it. But being aware of somebody's goals and why their, or what their motivations are, is so important, and being able to kind of lean into that,

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because I think we all go, oh yeah, we want to lose weight, but what, what else is there? And like, being able to just dissect that and like, well, actually, I play this sport, or actually, or I really just like walking my dog, or I really, like, I want to get into running or whatever. And we can specifically, then tailor your plan towards your separate goals beneath that. So if, if you are a walker, or if you're wanting to start lifting weights, yeah, you've got to be weightlifting

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because being strong is so important. And, you know,

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I think women, over the years have been kind of afraid of weights. 

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Amber Izzo  29:10  

Yes

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Nicole Robinson  29:12  

You're gonna get, gonna look like a man, gonna do this, that and the other. First of all, it's not possible without drugs, because we don't have the same hormones that men do. So we're never gonna as much as we can lift weights and do this that any other we're never gonna our physique will never be like a man's, because we don't have the testosterone that they have. 

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Amber Izzo  29:31  

Interesting, okay,

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Nicole Robinson  29:33  

So we can still like you can't tone without lifting weights and getting strong. So when people say, I want to look toned that is coming from your weights, uh, rather than, like, your cardio stuff. Having good cardio health is good for just all all around health. And obviously, the more effective that your heart pumps blood around, that's going to help getting blood to your uterus and to help with your like, fertility and everything.

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Now, because obviously they say after transfer, like, wear socks, keep warm, do this, that and the other, you know, get your

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hot water bottles while you're doing your stimming and stuff like that, not after you transfer, though, we don't want any cooked embryos. 

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It's just, it's just about being empathetic towards someone's situation. I think that you know, you can, you can try and with a PT, you know, great. And any coach is better than no coach. I think for some people, some people just want a little bit of direction, you know, a bit of a helping hand, someone to talk to once a week, or, you know, someone to WhatsApp every day, just just to check in and on things. And you feel like you're not, then burdening perhaps your partner or your friends or your family. We want to be more than that for people. Yeah, Mark's currently studying

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nutrition to be a qualified nutritionist, and he will be able to help kind of on the food side of things, and yeah, and everything else like that. So that's really exciting. I'll be doing all the exercise stuff. 

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Amber Izzo  31:06  

I love that, and I think it does make a difference. You know, we hear a lot from like, I know, we work quite closely with a fertility nutritionist, and so on and so forth. And you can see how, obviously, different foods are great for certain things. And certain things help your sperm, certain things help your eggs, certain things do X, Y, Z, and I think so. I think it's really great that you're combining the two for people who are going through this so well done you. I love it. 

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Nicole Robinson  31:30  

I'm really excited to come at it from, like, a couple's point of view as well, and both understand what you know both sides of the party need. And if you then want to try and read this as a couple, you're then talking to a couple that totally get it in there. You know, we've got children, we've got we've been through IVF. I've had to lose weight. Mark's had to support me on that journey. He hasn't had to lose weight, but he's watched me go through it and through it for IVF and go through it on a postpartum journey, and again, I'm currently going through it again now. So, yeah, it's just kind of like, we just, we just know this road. We just really know it. 

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Amber Izzo  32:10  

Yeah, I think that's really like, I think from kind of a patient perspective, I think that's such an attractive offer, yeah. So yeah, really well done to you. I think if we dive back into your treatment, you obviously spoke about the fact that your cycle was canceled because of covid, and how involved you got in the campaigning with this. And I really remember when you posted saying that it had been canceled, and you were distraught. And I think it was the first time like you're such a positive person, and I think you're kind of own that like you really are you see the positive and everything. You're a really upbeat, kind of bright person, but when this happened, we almost saw a different side to you, and I feel like that really knocked you. Yeah, so let's, let's talk about that. So how was that, that entire period? 

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Nicole Robinson  32:56  

So it was, it was so confusing. I was actually, literally on my way to go training at the time when I got the call and I and I, Mark was at work, and I was on my own, and I was literally getting ready to go out to the gym, and

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she called me and she just couldn't, she couldn't say anything, because she was just like, it's, it's kind of over, like, stop everything. We don't know anything. And I think that was the most heartbreaking thing was like the fact that I've just lost what was about to be mine. It was so close, like this opportunity, and then he the fact that there was no clear path. We didn't know what was going on. We just we saw no

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end to this, to this pandemic. At the time, we were just so confused. Never seen anything like it. And then when I was approached by

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a reporter who had got these group of people together to kind of start campaigning and talking about treatments being canceled, rounds being canceled,

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hospitals closing their doors, kind of things like this. I was like, Yes, get me involved in that. And it just felt like I was I was helping. I just felt like I was being proactive and trying to do something that was going to help me, but also help the community, because I knew that I wasn't the only one feeling like this. I was the only one, perhaps with my face online, crying about it, but I

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there's going to be 1000s of people that were feeling the same as me. Yeah, I had the voice, I had a small platform, and I had an opportunity to help, and I just, I just took it and yeah, I did what I could. Yeah. 

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Amber Izzo  34:49  

I mean, was it, did it kind of just feel like an endless waiting game? 

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Nicole Robinson  34:52  

No, yeah, it was literally a bottomless pit because there was no, there was no time on it. It was like, yeah, we'll, we'll be in touch in six weeks

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Time, we'll be in touch in a few months time. There was just like, we're closing it imminently, and we have no nothing else to say. And the amount of times we spoke to like, we called them as like, any news, any news, any news, and they'd be like, No, or they'd be really rude about it, as in, like, we're getting everybody calling us. I'm like, Yeah, but that's not my problem. No, I need to be empathetic towards our situation as a community that our rounds have been canceled and our our futures are on hold, yeah, and we don't know whether we'll ever get them back. At the time, we were like, well, what if this is life forever? Yeah, we don't know. Are we

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going to be drinking in our gardens and just childless forever. We don't, doing our zoom quizzes and whatever

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else was going on at the time. It's just like,

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is that? Is this it? And I just couldn't, you did just feel helpless. And you just felt like, what, what is happening? And just watch the news. And you kind of, you know as much as covid was scary and confusing anyway, having rounds canceled and hospitals closing and people's, you know, even, like other kinds of hospital operations, treatments, whatever was canceled, too, you just felt like, what on earth is going on with the world? And it was, yeah.

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Amber Izzo  36:15  

It was such a surreal time. Wasn't it? Like looking back at it now, you think, how did we live through this? It was so bizarre. Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, lockdown was hard for everyone, and it was, you know, whether you were going through treatment or not, but am I right? And say, the campaign was called Stop the clock, was it not? And it was all to do with the fact that with fertility, obviously, as much as you know, there's a lot of conversation about this,

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there is a time limit, and everybody during that lockdown is getting older, and that therefore makes it harder, and people were therefore missing the cutoffs for qualifying treatment. Or it was so hard, wasn't it, I remember seeing people where like that there was an age limit on the treatment, and they would have turned 41 during lockdown, and so no longer qualify for treatment. So it was such a hard time. But the way, I think, the way that you all did it was, was amazing. And eventually it did happen, and it did, it did open, and obviously you got, you got Jax as a result of that.

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I mean, when you had your transfer, I know that you obviously filmed, find that you and Mark had gone away, and you filmed and you found out that you were pregnant. But, I mean, how was that? How was that? Because I feel like this kind of two week wait for you kind of again, perpetuates how positive you are as a person. So talk us through that two week wait and how that was for you. 

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Nicole Robinson  37:29  

So we like you say we, we do like to try and be glass half full people. We do like to try and see the positivity and things. So it had this transfer. We

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went and got our McDonald's chips, as you do.

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I think we did that as a starter to our pizza. 

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Amber Izzo  37:48  

Oh, I love that

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Nicole Robinson  37:51  

Like on the way to town. Now we'll go and get some good fries. Do the picture, then we're going to go for pizza. This embryo was like, right? I got it good here. I'm staying.

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and he loves pizza now, so, oh yeah. So we went and had food after, and we just kind of took it as, like, no not drinking. I'm pregnant. I'm like, I kind of took it as in, like, I'm going to treat this as if I'm pregnant, I'm going to treat this as we're going to be positive, and we're going to assume it's worked, because we're going to be as positive as we can be for these next 10 days, 11 days, whatever it was. Because if it doesn't work, if it hasn't worked, at the time, which we're not going to kind of think about right now, no one can take how happy I was away from those 10 days. If I were just stressed and worried for 10 days,

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as much as you easily could do in that time,

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and then it didn't work,

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I'm still gonna feel like shit whether I was happy or not in those 10 days. That's how we kind of looked at it. We were like, right? If we're gonna, let's be let's choose happiness. Let's choose to be busy. Let's choose to do things we enjoy,

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to keep us occupied in this time. Yeah, it's going to be on our mind, but we don't have to be negative and worry overly about it. We have got this amazing opportunity now that may or may not work, but let's What if it does? How amazing is that going to be? And then we're going to be worried for nothing. And then if it doesn't work, we would have, we will have,

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kind of had a time where we could have been happy without definitely knowing it didn't work for no reason. So we chose happiness, and we chose to have fun, and, you know, just do the things we could have done. Because we thought, well, if it doesn't work, we're going to feel shit either way. So let's just be as happy and upbeat as we can be at that time. Because obviously we were worried. We did think about it. We talked about it every day, and.

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Um, but we did what we could to just stay positive and stay happy. And I think, yeah,

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that mindset helped, and had it not have worked, like I say, nobody could have take, taken those 10 days of happiness away from me. Might feel a bit silly. I might have felt a bit silly because, Oh, I thought it would have worked. I've worked, but I was happy for 10 days. So, yeah. 

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Amber Izzo  40:26  

I really love that outlook. I think, I mean, I'm definitely not always a half glass full person I try to be, but definitely not my forte. But I was, I'd always kind of those first, like, first three days or so I'd be, yeah, this is fine. Like, this is great. It'll be good. And I always try and distract myself and keep myself busy, but then I would dip, and I would dip after that point, and I would convince myself that it wasn't going to work, and all the rest of it, and it is, but I read, I read not long ago, actually, kind of in the community, on on Instagram, and somebody had asked for advice over the two week wait. And the amount of people that were saying actually really similar things to you. I think is lovely to see. And people saying, you know, keep yourself busy, make plans to do these really amazing things with just you and your partner. Because even if it doesn't work, nobody can take those memories away from you. And I think that's such a beautiful way of of looking at it. So I think that's really, really great. I mean, obviously for you, it did work, and you went on to have Jax. And then you started thinking about the prospect of having a sibling. And so by this point, because you'd already had a child, even if your ICB, well, CCGs are called ICBs now, aren't they, even if your ICB hadn't of

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had had more than one cycle, you wouldn't have qualified, because you'd have had the successful, successful cycle. So what were your steps here? Like, did you start looking at private?

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Nicole Robinson  41:47  

We obviously had no embryos left, so we would have had to have started from scratch.

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I had kind of when, when the clinics were closed, through covid, I had looked at moving our embryo to a clinic that was open, because I know a lot of the private ones opened first. So I was aware of costing between private and NHS, because you can pay for treatment on the NHS, can't you, yeah. So I was aware of what it would cost at our hospital, and I was aware of what it would cost privately at the time through covid, or I hadn't, we'd started talking about, well, this is should, shall we start, like, kind of

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getting organized, as it were,

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I was like, right up, what I want to do is I want to have my tubes rechecked, because if

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that I want to be short, if I'm paying for IVF, that I definitely need to be paying for IVF, yeah, and I knew that that was an off chance, because having, you know, had the diagnosis, I had

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covid at the time of treatment, with the GPs at the time was still at phone calls when I wanted to have this conversation and

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she I was like, I know the steps. I know what I want from you. You know sometimes you need to tell the doctors what you want, other than tell them what you all the things and then assume they're going to give you the right thing. I basically said I want to be referred to the hospital to see a gynecology consultant, and I want to have my fallopian tubes rechecked because we had IVF the first time. I want another child. I want to be sure that my tubes are still blocked so that I know I'm aware I've got to pay for IVF. I just want to have this test done? Is that possible? And she said, yes, so I don't know. I've not heard of anyone else having this done, but I just on the off chance, asked the question.

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So she sent me back to the hospital, and the gynecology department kind of had me down then as like

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secondary infertility, because it was my second child

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that we were kind of trying for. And she set me up for the HSG, which, at the time, got it done. First time, shock, absolute shock, after the first round. And I was like, this is going to be horrendous. I'd like hoped it up in my brain to be absolutely awful. But I've been Did you find it painful? The first time was horrific? Yeah, absolutely horrific. Because they'd tried it three times within the third time. I had it done three times that time. So it was a lot going on. And obviously nothing like a baby had ever come out of there, yeah, before. So it was, yeah, it was not a comfortable situation. But the second time I went, I was obviously, I was like, this is just routine in my mind. I just just a tick box, and then I can move forward.

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And they did the HSG, and I was talking to the lady that was doing it at the time, when I was telling her they were fully blocked. And I'd

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had IVF, and I've had my baby, and now we're doing I was telling her the whole spiel, and she was like, well, they're not blocked anymore. My mind exploded. It was the

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shock of my life. I had some other issues at the time with

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the shape of my uterus. So the gynecologist kept me on and did further testing on that. So I had an MRI scan on my uterus, and she talked about doing surgery as well, because there was, she didn't know whether it was a bicornate or a septate uterus, so there was like a split in the middle of my uterus. So she started, then talking about laparoscopies and various other things like that

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But yeah, with regards to

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that, was that was where I was at before I started looking into clinics. Because I thought, right, this is definitely the way I want to go, but I want to start with this before I go too deep down looking into clinics, I was aware of kind of the rough costings of between the NHS and the private clinics I have locally. But obviously I'm very aware that their private clinics are not regulated, and they can charge whatever the hell they want, really, and they change, and they're very from clinic to clinic, and they vary across the country as well, don't they? Yeah, yeah. Huge work, which is where, like, Gaia, is such an amazing company, and doing such amazing things. And it's definitely something that I would have looked into

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had I needed it. 

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Amber Izzo  46:32  

Yeah, and then, I mean, obviously, then you did, you did fall pregnant. 

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Nicole Robinson  46:37  

I, I did fall pregnant naturally, following the HSG,

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when they told me that the tubes were clear because at the time, again, I was under the consultant, and they were like, right, well, we'll do this

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check on your uterus, because they were saying that if I was to get pregnant naturally, it could cause miscarriage. With the septum in my uterus, right? They have no blood supply to it. If any embryo was to implant on this that they wouldn't have survived, basically. And she said, you probably still don't ovulate. And

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let's get you back in in a few months time, and we can get you on some like Clomid or lectures all or something like that. So again, I was back to kind of the square one that I thought I was going to be at the first time around before I found out my tubes were blocked. I was like, fine, so I don't have it. I you know, it is what it is. And then I was feeling so ill. I was doing my house up at the time, and I just thought it was burnt out. We'd moved house. We were doing our house up. We were, you know, really busy. I was doing CrossFit. I was at the fittest and leanest had ever been, because I'd done my like, fit for 30 journey. We were in the middle of, like, thinking about having another baby and thinking, is it the right time, it's about the right time to start looking into it, you know? And, yeah, I just started to feel really poorly. And I because my cycles were still so crazy, I wasn't like, waiting for a period or anything like that.

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And I'd actually done a pregnancy test in the week and saw one line bend it negative. Obviously negative. It's always negative and and then I

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few days later, I was still feeling rough, and I'd not done the bin, and the bin was still there. So I pulled the same pregnancy test out of the bin, and there was two lines. And I was like, What on earth is this an evaporation line? What is exactly so my mind was going crazy. Obviously, everyone in the infertility community generally has seen many pregnancy tests with one line, or is it two lines? Is it? And like, the fact that you're not supposed to look at them after 10 minutes because they're not accurate, I'm like, Well, this has been two days. I don't know what this means, and Jax is a terrible sleeper, so I'd gone down to talk to Mark about it. And like, I don't know what this means. And we're like, do we? Are we happy? Are we? Are we? Are we? Is it false? I don't know. Like, and then Jax, lo and behold, woke up, and Mark had to go and lay with him, and I was on my own, and Mark was in there, and it was like 10 o'clock at night, and the next morning, like 6am whenever Tesco opened down the road, went and picked up a digital, clear blue one. And it was like, blaring, pregnant three plus weeks. And it was just like, what on earth, everything we'd been through, yeah, naturally on a surprise, kind of like this was just everything you kind of hate about the infertility community when you're in it, but also, like the thing we're all, we all really long for, and, yeah, incredibly blessed for it. 

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Amber Izzo  49:48  

Absolutely I can imagine, and I know that you were quite nervous about, because obviously you still do have a bit of a platform, like you are still very much part of that community. You built up your platform by talking about

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this, by talking about IVF, talking about infertility, and I know that you were quite nervous to share that news because of that. So how was how was that? 

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Nicole Robinson  50:08  

So when we got the positive test. I was like, this is amazing. Oh, what is Instagram gonna think? It was kind of like, how, how do I tell these people that I've been supporting and that I've been kind of, you know, helping for this many years. How do I tell them that I'm that girl that got pregnant naturally following IVF, oh, yeah, you hear about that. I know someone that you know got pregnant naturally. I was that girl, and I was like, I don't want to be that girl, but I'm that girl and I'm really happy, but I'm also really stressed. Um, yeah, it was. It was really hard to come on and kind of say it, because I was like, what are people going to think? Like, there's going to be a lot of people out here that are, like, literally swearing at their screens to me. And yeah, it was, it was a worry. It was, it was a worry because I'd been on the other side of the coin, you know.

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And again, that's where I feel like being relatable and being kind of empathetic towards people's situations, when you've walked that path is so important for various situations. Yeah, it was such a it was such a wild time. And he's, he's here now. Remi is four months old, and it's, it's just absolutely crazy, but yeah, and I think I'm kind of over that, like worry a little bit now, but it's something that we still talk about, like on on on my platform, and then on our podcast and stuff as well, with our journey and IVF, because it's such a it was such a huge part of our life, even though I got pregnant naturally the second time, it wasn't what I thought would happen, no, and, but I couldn't do anything about it, you know, is what it is. And I'm really and really, just really feel lucky and that it did happen. 

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Amber Izzo  51:53  

I think ultimately, like, of course, I think for people in the community, of course, it is always hard, yeah, to hear these things, but ultimately everybody wants to be that girl, yeah. And I think that's the thing, isn't it? Like everybody, there is nobody who would have gone through IVF, gone through infertility, who would think that they would want to go through that again before falling pregnant without treatment. And I think, you know, you were very honest and very sensitive with the way that you handled it. And it's, it's very storybook, like it isn't very often that you hear of people. I mean, I'm sure it happens, obviously it happens. It happened to you, but it isn't hugely often we hear about both tubes unblocking and going through all that. So it's almost unbelievable that it happened. It's amazing, and I think you've done such a good job in kind of sharing your story. So yeah, it's amazing, and I'm really glad that you're doing so well.  So to end the episode, then if you could just tell us where we can find you, then that'd be great, and people can come out and seek for themselves. 

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Nicole Robinson  52:52  

So I am on Instagram and YouTube personally as GoodLuckNic. you can find me over there. And then our fitness and coaching page is fertility, UK, words, FITILITY UK, again, we're on

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Instagram and YouTube over there as well. 

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Amber Izzo  53:18  

Amazing. And you've got a podcast

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Nicole Robinson  53:20  

We do have a podcast, yeah. So we're talking about all things

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like weight loss, following my postpartum weight loss, parenting, and then, kind of like through IVF and helping people all the way from starting fertility treatment up until then, kind of navigating through parenthood as well. So yeah, talking about all things across the spectrum, really 

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Amber Izzo  53:45  

Amazing. Well, thank you so much for joining us, Nic. It's been so lovely to talk to you and take care of yourself. So that was Nicole Robinson, aka GoodLuckNic and what a positive being she is. I love chatting to her this week, and we're super excited to see where her and Mark's Fitility UK journey takes them. Make sure you head over and give them a follow, and we'll be back next week with another incredible guest and another episode of misconception. So in the meantime, make sure you subscribe to our podcast. Follow us on socials at Gaiafamilyofficial, and check out our website at gaiafamily.com

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We'll see you next week. Bye. 

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Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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