Deciding to build your family is a moment filled with hope and excitement. For couples choosing reciprocal IVF, that excitement is paired with the beautiful prospect of sharing the physical experience of conception. But turning that dream into a reality requires a plan. The big question soon becomes, "What does this journey actually look like day-to-day?" Understanding the reciprocal IVF timeline is the key to bridging that gap between your dream and your to-do list. It provides the structure you need to move forward, transforming abstract hopes into concrete, actionable steps you can take together, one day at a time.

Key takeaways

• Both Partners Play a Biological Role: Reciprocal IVF allows one partner to provide the egg (the genetic parent) and the other to carry the pregnancy (the gestational parent), creating a powerful way for both of you to be physically involved in building your family.
• Plan for the Practicalities: Your journey involves more than just medical appointments, so it's essential to sort out legal protections, like second-parent adoption, and have a clear financial plan in place before you start. Getting these details handled early provides peace of mind.
• Success is a Holistic Effort: While factors like age and clinic choice are important, your overall health and emotional well-being are just as crucial. Plan for the possibility of more than one cycle and lean on your support system—including each other—throughout the process.

What is reciprocal IVF?

Reciprocal IVF is a beautiful way for two people with uteruses, often in a same-sex relationship, to build their family together. You might also hear it called "shared motherhood." The process allows both partners to have a distinct biological connection to their child: one provides the egg, and the other carries the pregnancy. It’s a unique form of IVF that creates a deep, shared experience. One of you is the genetic parent, and the other is the gestational parent. This journey requires careful coordination, but it’s a powerful way to feel connected to your future child and each other.

Reciprocal IVF vs. Traditional IVF

If you’re familiar with traditional IVF, the steps in reciprocal IVF will sound very similar. The core medical procedures are the same, but the roles are split between two people. In traditional IVF, one person provides the eggs and also carries the pregnancy. With reciprocal IVF, one partner takes medication to stimulate their ovaries for the egg retrieval. At the same time, the other partner takes medication to prepare their uterine lining to receive the resulting embryo. It’s a synchronized process to ensure both bodies are ready for their specific roles.

Who is Reciprocal IVF for?

Reciprocal IVF is a wonderful option for lesbian couples and for couples where one partner is a trans man who can produce eggs. It’s designed for partners who both want to be physically and biologically involved in creating their family. Many couples choose this path because it offers a unique way to share the journey to parenthood. It’s also a common next step for those who may have tried other fertility treatments, like intrauterine insemination (IUI), without success, or if there are medical reasons that make it a more effective choice.

Busting common reciprocal IVF myths

Let's clear up a few common myths about reciprocal IVF. One is that it’s not as successful as traditional IVF. The truth is that success rates are very similar, with the most significant factor being the age and egg quality of the partner providing the eggs. A good fertility clinic can give you a clear picture of your potential success. Another myth is that it’s too complicated. While it requires coordinating two cycles, the medical steps are standard IVF procedures that your clinical team is very experienced in managing.

Your reciprocal IVF timeline: A step-by-step guide

Thinking about reciprocal IVF is a huge and exciting step. It’s a beautiful way for both partners to be physically involved in building your family. While every fertility journey is personal, understanding the typical timeline can help you feel more prepared for what’s ahead. Think of it as a roadmap—there might be a few detours, but the destination is the same. From the first chat with a specialist to the much-anticipated pregnancy test, here’s a step-by-step look at what you can expect during your reciprocal IVF cycle.

Step 1: Your first consultation & screening

Your journey starts with an initial consultation at a fertility clinic. This is where you and your partner will meet with a reproductive endocrinologist to discuss your medical histories, goals, and any questions you have. It’s a time to get comfortable and ensure you’ve found the right team. Both of you will undergo some initial screenings. The partner providing the eggs will have their ovarian reserve tested through bloodwork and an ultrasound. The partner carrying the pregnancy will have their uterus evaluated to make sure it’s a healthy environment for an embryo. This step is all about gathering the information needed to create a personalized and successful IVF plan for you both.

Step 2: Syncing your cycles (2-4 weeks)

For reciprocal IVF to work, your bodies need to be on the same page. The next step is to synchronize your menstrual cycles. This is usually done using birth control pills for a few weeks. The goal is to make sure that when an embryo is ready for transfer, the gestational carrier’s uterine lining is perfectly prepared to receive it. It’s a bit of a waiting game, but this coordination is key to giving the embryo the best possible chance to implant. Think of it as the ultimate teamwork, setting the stage for the next steps in your treatment.

Step 3: Ovarian stimulation (10-14 days)

Once your cycles are synced, the partner providing the eggs will begin ovarian stimulation. This involves taking injectable fertility medications for about 10 to 14 days. These medications encourage the ovaries to produce multiple mature eggs, rather than the single egg that typically develops each month. During this time, you’ll have several monitoring appointments at your partner clinic, which include blood tests and ultrasounds. This allows your doctor to track the growth of the follicles containing the eggs and adjust your medication dosage as needed. It can feel like a lot, but these frequent check-ins ensure everything is progressing safely and effectively.

Step 4: Egg retrieval and fertilization

When the follicles have reached the right size, it’s time for the egg retrieval. This is a minimally invasive procedure performed under sedation, so you won’t feel any discomfort. Using an ultrasound-guided needle, the doctor will collect the mature eggs from the ovaries. The procedure itself is quick, usually taking about 20-30 minutes. On the same day, the retrieved eggs are fertilized in the lab with your chosen donor sperm. From there, the embryologists take over, and the fertilized eggs—now embryos—begin to grow. It’s a major milestone in the process and a very exciting day.

Step 5: Watching Your Embryos Grow

After fertilization, your embryos will spend the next five to six days growing in the lab under the watchful eye of an embryologist. They are kept in a special incubator that mimics the conditions of the human body. The goal is for them to develop into blastocysts, which are strong embryos with a higher chance of implantation. If you’ve opted for preimplantation genetic testing (PGT), a few cells will be biopsied from the embryos at this stage to check for chromosomal abnormalities. This waiting period can be nerve-wracking, but it’s a crucial time for selecting the healthiest embryo for transfer.

Step 6: Preparing for the Embryo Transfer

While the embryos are growing in the lab, the partner who will carry the pregnancy begins preparing their body for the transfer. This involves taking hormones—usually estrogen and progesterone—to help thicken and prepare the uterine lining, creating a welcoming environment for the embryo. The embryo transfer itself is a simple and painless procedure that feels a lot like a pap smear. Using a thin catheter, the doctor will place the selected embryo into the uterus. It’s a quick and hopeful moment that marks the beginning of the next phase of your journey.

Step 7: The two-week wait

After the embryo transfer comes the part that many people find the most challenging: the two-week wait. This is the roughly 10- to 14-day period before you can take a pregnancy test to see if the transfer was successful. It can be an emotional rollercoaster filled with anticipation and anxiety. The best thing you can do during this time is be kind to yourself. Try to keep busy with gentle activities you enjoy, lean on your partner and support system, and avoid the temptation to test at home too early. Your clinic will schedule a blood test, which is the most accurate way to confirm a pregnancy.

How to plan for reciprocal IVF

Going through reciprocal IVF involves more than just the medical procedures. It requires careful planning around health screenings, legal protections, and finances. Thinking through these steps ahead of time can make the entire process feel much more manageable for you and your partner, letting you focus on what matters most.

What medical screenings are needed?

Before you begin treatment, both you and your partner will need to complete a few medical screenings. This typically includes blood tests and a pelvic ultrasound to get a clear picture of your reproductive health. The partner providing the eggs will also undergo genetic carrier screening. This is an important step because they will be the biological parent of your child. If there's a chance both of you might carry a pregnancy at some point, it’s a good idea for both partners to get screened. These initial tests help your care team create a personalized treatment plan that gives you the best chance of success.

Your legal checklist

It’s wise to speak with a family law attorney who specializes in assisted reproductive technology, especially for LGBTQ+ families. Depending on where you live, the law may not automatically recognize the non-gestational parent as a legal parent, even if their name is on the birth certificate. Your lawyer might recommend a "second-parent adoption" to secure the rights of the parent who doesn't carry the pregnancy. This ensures both of you are recognized as legal parents with full rights and responsibilities for your child. Getting this sorted out early provides peace of mind and legal protection for your growing family.

How to plan financially

Reciprocal IVF can be expensive, so it’s important to have a financial plan. Many people explore different ways to cover the costs. Some fertility clinics offer in-house payment plans that let you pay in installments. You can also look into loans from companies that specialize in financing fertility treatments. Another avenue to explore is grants, which are offered by various non-profit organizations to help people build their families. At Gaia, we offer flexible ways to afford care, including refund-backed plans if your treatment doesn't result in a baby, so you can move forward with confidence.

Does insurance cover reciprocal IVF?

This is one of the most common questions, and the answer can be complicated. Often, reciprocal IVF is not covered by insurance, particularly if there isn't a medical diagnosis of "infertility." The challenge is that the standard definition of infertility—typically based on a heterosexual couple’s inability to conceive after a certain period—doesn't always apply to same-sex couples who need donor sperm to conceive. It’s essential to call your insurance provider directly and ask specific questions about your coverage for fertility treatments, medications, and diagnostic testing. Don't be afraid to ask for details in writing.

What to expect during your treatment cycle

Once you’ve completed your initial consultations and legal paperwork, you’ll move into the treatment cycle itself. This phase is a mix of medications, appointments, and procedures for both you and your partner. Knowing what’s coming can help you feel more prepared and in control. Think of it as a shared project where you both have distinct but equally important roles. Let’s walk through what the active treatment part of your reciprocal IVF journey typically looks like.

Before you begin: Key prep steps

Before starting medications, both you and your partner will need some baseline tests to make sure everything is ready to go. This usually involves blood tests and a pelvic ultrasound. The partner who will be providing the eggs will also undergo genetic screening. This is a standard part of the IVF process that helps your clinic understand your genetic background and ensure the healthiest possible start for your future child. These initial steps are all about gathering information so your care team can create a personalized plan that gives you the best chance of success.

A look at your medication plan

Your medication plan will be unique to your cycle, but it will involve protocols for both partners. The partner providing the eggs will take injectable medications for about 10 to 14 days to encourage their ovaries to produce multiple mature eggs. Meanwhile, the partner who will carry the pregnancy will take hormones, usually estrogen and progesterone. These medications help thicken the uterine lining, creating a welcoming environment for the embryo to implant. Your clinic will give you a detailed calendar, and it’s helpful to review it together so you both know what to expect each day.

What to expect at monitoring appointments

During the medication phase, both of you will have regular monitoring appointments at your fertility clinic. These check-ins are crucial for tracking how your bodies are responding to the medications. For the partner stimulating their ovaries, appointments will involve blood work and ultrasounds to watch the follicles (which contain the eggs) grow. For the partner preparing their uterus, monitoring will focus on checking the thickness of the uterine lining. These appointments happen every few days, especially as you get closer to the egg retrieval, and they allow your doctor to adjust medication dosages as needed. You can find a list of our partner clinics to see where you can get your treatment.

Caring for your body and mind

Going through reciprocal IVF is a significant physical and emotional undertaking for both partners. The medications can bring on hormonal shifts, and the process itself can feel like a roller coaster. It’s so important to plan for this and be gentle with yourselves. Prioritize rest, eat nourishing foods, and find healthy ways to manage stress, whether that’s through light exercise, meditation, or talking with a therapist. Acknowledging the emotional side of treatment isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a key part of taking care of your overall well-being and getting through the journey together.

How to support each other through treatment

One of the most beautiful parts of reciprocal IVF is that it allows both partners to be physically involved in building your family. This shared experience can be an incredible bonding opportunity. Lean on each other, communicate openly about how you’re feeling, and go to appointments together when you can. Simple things, like helping with injections or just being there to listen after a tough day, can make a huge difference. Remember, you’re a team. Celebrating small wins and offering grace during challenging moments will help you move through the process with a stronger connection.

Understanding success rates and what influences them

When you start looking into reciprocal IVF, one of the first things you’ll probably search for is success rates. It’s completely natural to want to know the odds. But it’s important to remember that the numbers you see on a clinic’s website are just averages. They don’t tell your specific story. Your personal chance of success is unique, shaped by a handful of key factors that are specific to you and your partner.

Think of it less like a lottery ticket and more like a recipe—getting the ingredients right can make a huge difference. These ingredients include the age of the partner providing the eggs, the overall health of both of you, the expertise of your chosen clinic, and having a realistic plan from the start. Understanding how each of these elements plays a role can help you feel more in control and prepared for the journey ahead. Let’s walk through what really influences your chances of bringing home a baby.

How age affects success

When it comes to any kind of IVF, the age of the person providing the eggs is one of the most significant factors. This is simply a matter of biology—egg quality and quantity tend to decline as we get older. Younger eggs generally lead to a higher likelihood of creating healthy embryos, which in turn increases the chances of a successful pregnancy. Because many couples who choose reciprocal IVF are younger and may have fewer underlying fertility issues than the general population seeking treatment, their success rates can sometimes be higher. It’s a crucial piece of the puzzle to discuss with your doctor, who can give you a realistic picture based on your personal health profile.

The role of your overall health

Success isn’t just about the eggs—it’s a team effort that involves the overall health of both partners. The well-being of the partner carrying the pregnancy is just as important, as their body needs to be ready to accept the embryo and sustain a healthy pregnancy. The quality of the sperm used for fertilization also plays a key role. Beyond the clinical factors, general lifestyle choices matter. Things like maintaining a balanced diet, managing stress, and avoiding smoking can create a better biological environment for conception. Focusing on your health together can be an empowering way to prepare your bodies and minds for the process.

Choosing the right clinic

Finding a clinic where you feel comfortable, seen, and supported is non-negotiable. While their overall success rates are a good starting point, you’ll also want to look deeper. Ask about their specific experience with reciprocal IVF and their approach to supporting LGBTQ+ families. A great clinic will be transparent about costs, have experienced doctors using advanced technology, and offer robust emotional support. Feeling a real connection with your care team can make all the difference. We work with a network of trusted partner clinics to help ensure you receive compassionate, high-quality care every step of the way.

Planning for more than one cycle

It’s important to go into this process with the gentle understanding that it might take more than one try. On average, it takes about two IVF cycles for a person to have a baby, so needing a second or even third attempt is a very common part of the journey. Knowing this from the start can help you prepare emotionally and financially. You might create extra embryos in your first cycle that can be frozen for a future transfer, which is a great option to have. Having a financial plan that accounts for this possibility can also relieve a huge amount of stress, allowing you to focus on your treatment.

Making the process more manageable

Going through reciprocal IVF is a significant journey, and it’s completely normal to feel like there are a million things to keep track of. While you can’t control every outcome, you can take steps to make the process feel more grounded and predictable. Thinking ahead about the timeline, your physical and emotional health, and your support network can make a world of difference. It’s about giving yourselves the space and tools to handle each step as it comes, together.

What can affect your timeline?

While it’s helpful to have a general idea of the schedule, it’s important to remember that every reciprocal IVF journey is unique. One cycle can take about two to six months from start to finish, but your personal timeline will depend on a few key factors. The initial phase includes health screenings for both partners, which can take a month or two. You’ll also need time to choose a sperm donor and get any necessary insurance approvals in place. Unforeseen issues can pop up, so building some flexibility into your expectations can help reduce stress along the way.

Looking after your physical well-being

Reciprocal IVF is a physical process for both partners, and prioritizing your health is key. You’ll work together to sync your menstrual cycles, often using medications like oral contraceptives. The partner providing the eggs will then take injectable medications to help stimulate the development of multiple eggs. During this time, focus on what makes your bodies feel good—whether that’s nourishing food, gentle movement, or getting enough sleep. Think of it as preparing a welcoming environment for a potential pregnancy and supporting each other through every step.

Finding emotional support

The emotional side of fertility treatment can be just as demanding as the physical one. Reciprocal IVF involves its own unique set of feelings and pressures, so planning for emotional care is essential. This might mean finding a therapist who specializes in fertility or joining a support group for LGBTQ+ parents-to-be. You can also reduce stress by tackling logistical hurdles early on. Speaking with legal and insurance professionals about things like second-parent adoption and coverage options can clear up uncertainties and let you focus more on your well-being.

How to build your support system

You don’t have to go through this alone. Your support system starts with you and your partner, so keeping communication open and honest is fundamental. It also includes your medical team. It’s so important to talk openly with your doctor about the process and feel confident in the care you’re receiving at your chosen fertility clinic. Beyond that, decide together who else to bring into your inner circle—be it trusted friends, family, or a professional counselor. This network will be your go-to for encouragement and perspective when you need it most.

Where to find support and resources

Going through reciprocal IVF is a significant journey, and you don’t have to walk it alone. Building a strong support system is just as important as any medical step in the process. This includes finding the right medical team, connecting with communities that understand your experience, figuring out the finances, and taking care of your emotional health. Having these resources in place can make all the difference, helping you feel more prepared and cared for every step of the way. Think of it as assembling your personal dream team to help you build your family.

Finding the right fertility specialist

Choosing a clinic is one of the most critical decisions you'll make. You want a team that not only has experienced doctors and advanced technology but also makes you feel comfortable and heard. This is a partnership, so it’s essential to find a clinic with excellent success rates and a supportive environment. When you’re researching, don’t be afraid to ask questions about their experience with reciprocal IVF and LGBTQ+ patients. At Gaia, we partner with top-tier clinics to ensure you receive the best possible care. You can explore our network of partner clinics to find a specialist who is the right fit for your family-building goals.

Support for LGBTQ+ family building

Reciprocal IVF offers a unique opportunity for both partners in a same-sex female couple to be physically involved in the creation of their family, which can be a powerful bonding experience. As you begin this process, it’s helpful to connect with resources and communities that specialize in LGBTQ+ family building. Organizations like Family Equality offer support groups, educational materials, and a network of people who understand the specific joys and challenges you might face. Finding your people—those who have been through it or are going through it alongside you—can provide an incredible source of validation and encouragement.

Exploring financial assistance

Let’s be honest: the cost of fertility treatment can be a major source of stress. The total price for reciprocal IVF can vary a lot between clinics, and it’s important to get a clear picture of all potential expenses upfront. Start by checking with your insurance provider to see what, if anything, is covered. Many clinics also offer their own payment plans or financing options. This is exactly why we created Gaia. We help you plan and pay for treatment with flexible, personalized options and even offer refund-backed plans if your journey doesn’t end with a baby, giving you more protection and peace of mind.

The value of counseling and therapy

The reciprocal IVF process is an emotional rollercoaster for everyone involved. Prioritizing your mental health is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. Counseling can provide a safe space for you and your partner to process the ups and downs, manage stress, and discuss your hopes and fears. A therapist, especially one who specializes in fertility, can equip you with tools to communicate effectively and support each other through the challenges. Many couples find that this support strengthens their relationship and prepares them for the journey into parenthood. Consider it an essential part of your self-care plan.

Related Articles

• IVF - Our Guide To Treatment
• Reciprocal IVF (Shared Motherhood) - Our Guide To Treatment
• The Real Cost of IVF: A Complete Breakdown
• 100% Refund IVF: How It Works & What to Know

Frequently Asked Questions

How do we decide who provides the egg and who carries the pregnancy? This is a deeply personal decision that you and your partner will make together, often with input from your doctor. Medically, your doctor will look at factors like age and ovarian reserve for the partner providing the eggs, and the uterine health of the partner who will carry the pregnancy. Beyond the medical advice, it comes down to your personal desires. Some people have a strong feeling about experiencing pregnancy, while others feel more connected to the idea of having a genetic link to their child. It’s a big conversation, and there’s no right or wrong answer.

Is reciprocal IVF more expensive than traditional IVF? Generally, yes, reciprocal IVF tends to be more expensive than a traditional IVF cycle. This is because the process involves medical procedures and medications for two people instead of one. You have the costs associated with ovarian stimulation and egg retrieval for one partner, as well as the costs for the medications and monitoring needed to prepare the other partner’s uterus for the embryo transfer.

Can we switch roles for a future cycle if the first one isn't successful? Absolutely. It’s quite common for couples to decide to switch roles for a subsequent cycle. If the partner who provided the eggs in the first round wants to carry the pregnancy in the next, she would simply need to go through the standard uterine evaluation. This flexibility is one of the unique aspects of this process, giving you more than one way to try to build your family together.

What are the biggest differences in the physical experience for each partner? The physical journeys are quite distinct. The partner providing the eggs will go through about two weeks of injectable medications to stimulate her ovaries, frequent monitoring appointments, and a minimally invasive surgical procedure for the egg retrieval. The partner carrying the pregnancy will take hormones, like estrogen and progesterone, to prepare her uterine lining for the embryo. Her journey is less about a single procedure and more about preparing her body for the transfer and, hopefully, a healthy pregnancy.

Does the law automatically recognize both of us as parents? This is a critical question, and the answer is often no. The laws around parentage can be complex and vary by state, and they don't always keep up with modern family building. The non-gestational parent, even if they are the genetic parent, may not be automatically recognized as a legal parent. It is incredibly important to speak with a family law attorney who specializes in assisted reproduction to ensure you take the right steps, like a second-parent adoption, to protect both of your parental rights.